Erotic Humor stories
A large collection of weird and funny sex sex stories.
Randy kisses his way down my long neck to my full bosom and purses his lips on my erect nipple. My fingers flicking his nipples to hardness as Randy unzips my skirt, letting it fall to the floor. His tongue pushes past my swollen lips as his fingers rub my clit in a circular motion. I pinch and pull my nipple as Randy tongues my slit and rubs my clit. My hand moves to Randy's cock head and I feel precum. Moving up slowly to the head, my hand gently squeezes Randy's ball sac. I let the head pop from my mouth, smile up at him as my hands work his cock.
Over the years, Georgette has developed a real love of sucking cock and the thing is that she doesn’t care when or where, as long as she gets it. Even though Georgette was next to me, the several other guys that were, as usual milling around the department looking at stuff were all discretely checking her out. The poor guy was awe struck; he couldn’t believe that Georgette was on her knees with his cock into her mouth. It took over fifteen minutes for Georgette to coax his cum from the treasured cock in her mouth but finally she did, it was all he could do to hold in his moans and groans. As she smiled at all the guys, the salesman looked at her, and breathless said, “Damn lady, you’re hot.”
She said wow and asked to write a poetry about her in hindi. Whenever my mom prepares any dish item I used to give her to taste and one day she invited me to her home casually. And said you should come to my home on pongal festival. I am waiting for the pongal eagerly why she invited again.Thinking in my mind all these days. While eating, I asked about her k**s & husband.She said, k**s went for grandma home and hubby went for a project work(out of station). It was when she pulled my hair after bite on her nipples that I saw her face & imagined her those silky lips would feel on my cock.
As only moonlight is the only source helping the vision I followed her blindly, we are standing in right side of the house then suddenly she indicated left end I find Karim fully naked standing a hand in his back and Rasma giving him a blowjob, he was yelling in pleasure, I light up a cigarette in my mouth and ask Fatima do he fuck you in the open, she remain silent, it’s explain everything. I find Karim urinating beside a tree, he ask me for a cigarette, I replied no, I do not have any, he inquired about Fatima, I told him may be inside the room.
"Bitch you better get me wet, cuz I'm gonna fuck your ass till I cum." I then dropped my pants, releasing my cock which seemed to be doubled its usual size. Once I was able to slip in three fingers, I figured I had lubed her up enough so I slide my now greasy cock from the same pussy that I was pulled out of at birth, and once again rammed it balls deep into her ass. "Show me now or I will cut every piece of clothing you own into confetti and you can explain to dad why your sucking another mans cock in your marital bed." She went apoplectic but she pulled the skirt up so I could see that she was wearing pantyhose but not panties.
He had always been able to satisfy his European girlfriend, Yora, when she wanted oral sex from him, but recently she attended a face sitting class with a friend and now seemed obsessed with it. “Your girlfriend likes oral sex from you but your tongue cannot last as long as she needs for complete satisfaction, am I right?” “You mean a pill can make my tongue hard for a long time?” he asked. Riley recalled the receptionist who signed him in, sitting behind the desk and flashing her legs by crossing them several times as he filled out the forms. She entertained herself on his face for almost thirty minutes and Riley was pleased that it was not uncomfortable to service her because she did all the work, attaining orgasm simply by using his stiff tongue.
"Wow, mother, I see that you really love to be collared and dog leashed, like a doggy bitch don't you?" Ashok asked me while looked down on my cum dripping pussy. "Not just your nipples Mom, I want to pierce and ring your pussy lips too." Ashok said calmly then casually reach between my soaking wet thighs. I'm going to brand the words 'PRIVATE PROPERTY OF ASHOK' in large block letters with the laser deep into the flesh of your creamy ass cheeks slave Mom, and your breasts and pussy lips are also going to be branded with my name as well!"
Do you want me to call 911 for you?” Thinking quickly, she asked, “Do I need to dial the area code for New York before I call 911?” “Paul, I don’t think it’s very healthy for you to lie about who you are and where you’re from,” Lana lectured, not realizing the irony of her own words. “I’m going to ask the questions, Lana, and I’ll tell you what you need to know,” William said firmly. “Well, I’m a 34D cup, but I’m not sure what you want to know about my nipples and areolas?” Lana asked, a bit confused and uncertain how she lost control of the call so quickly. Sensing the hesitation in her voice, William said, “Oh, I think you’ll like this game, Lana.
Her first email arrived and I read it eagerly, "Hi Darling, well we got here at last, we had a nice long rest after the flight, I’ve got a good mind to write a nasty letter to the travel agents for messing up the booking, the fools put me and Errol in the honeymoon suite. Errol was very nice about it though, he allowed me to share his bed, so of course we practiced our love scenes a bit more, well a lot more actually, he says I’m getting better at it now. Marcus, the man who owns the bar introduced me to a lovely little black girl called Coral last night, who we wants me to work with while we’re waiting for the go ahead to start filming.
Next to laying my penis on top of the liverwurst, topped by the bread and jacking off with it, there ain't nothing better then with wax paper. It had been several weeks ago, while visiting a local nursery, I happen to run into Dionaea (Dione) Muscipula, my now new girl friend. Although looking for blue fescue seeds for the home terrace I was immediately smitten by her. Hurley (my best friend) was a medical school drop out in 1947 and now was Assistant Manager of Last Resort Car wash and was always featured as geriatric chamois and passenger side of the month employee. I thought it time for Hurley to look at her, seeing as he did have some medical schooling.
“She’s obviously over-endowed and under-dressed right,” I started and turned my head to look at my wife who sat on the other sofa. My wife just sat there with little or no response and a bewildered look on her face as she watched my willy impersonate a helicopter. “Oh come on, don’t you think that would be exciting; hearing and watching other couples have sex with each other, joining in with them and helping them out.” “You know, I’ve said many times how sexy your bum looks, perched in the air, when you’re on all fours giving me that once in a fortnight blow-job, especially with your tits dangling on my thighs.”
She was still wearing the gorgeous camisole when he began massaging her shoulders, but soon sat forward a few inches and lifted her arms in a silent signal that it was time for the garment to come off, and Sam happily removed both it and his tee shirt. He could tell she was getting close to orgasm, and was grateful because he also knew he couldn’t last much longer; the taunting her fingers were performing on him, coupled with the fantasy that had enabled him to while away the time during the slow drive home, had him primed to shoot his load like a horny 16-year-old, but he dutifully held out for her signal.
A few of the men had suggested to Tracy that since she gave incredible cyber-sex, maybe she should start to write erotic stories. Tracy slipped her finger into her bald pussy and began to fuck herself. Tracy then typed back to her friend that her pussy was so wet. Just as Tracy was about to orgasm her Hitachi Magic Wand started to spark and caught on fire. Tracy was a very wet girl and she always seemed to short out the damn vibrators. Tracy was going to be getting her Hitachi wand tomorrow from Amazon, but still wanted something for her orgasm today. Tracy started to notice all these men coming into the store and going to a back room.
I told the desk clerk, a mild-mannered goober, "I think I have influenza." "I want you to plummet me in my orifice like you did the night of our bunnyswoon. The last straw was when she asked me to sling her some phlegm, and I told her I was going to call the front desk, inquiring a mademoiselle. "I can't satisfy four whores, and the room air conditioner is working great." "Zelda is down at the lounge, straying her ass now." The clerk then told Hurley that he had just recently shellacked it with enamel and tinted the glass. When Zelda returned from straying her ass, she was ready for another round of whoopee making.
That night I masturbated twice – once to vivid memories of a French peasant girl in a field wrapping her mouth around what felt like my cock, and once to images and sensations of two Roman women ripping off 'my' toga and having their way with 'me'. Both times with the same result. Tissues stained black. Eventually I told the memories to leave me alone and drifted into a fitful sleep, full of sexual dreams. In the morning, in a half-alert state, I thought the genie must have been a strange dream, until my mind was filled with memories of a surprisingly hot Iron Age orgy and I reached out and grabbed a thicker cock than I was used to. And then added some more blackened tissues to the pile by the bed.
Now completely naked except for her leg-warmers, high heels and mirrored sunglasses, Coach Laurie stalked Nick as she said, “Look, you're a nice k** with a nice ass, so I'm going to give you a break.” as her hands squeezed her full tanned tits and pulled her nipples between her fingers. F---fuck !” Nick grunted, his eyes closed in concentration, shivering and struggling to ignore what Coach Laurie's mouth was doing to him – intense nonstop suction, her red lips going from the base of his shaft all the way to the head, kissing and licking the tip before plunging down to the base again, with the incredible suction and the flicking of her tongue lashing and taunting him.
The handful of farmer's wives working in the office knew what I was there for. It was tall, so that one worked standing up, with both sides sloped at a slight angle like a drafting table. I had been working for about half an hour when into the room bounces my little Lolita, undoubtedly the one I had been thinking about all morning. Leaning against the door jamb, playing with her hair, adjusting her dress, standing there with her legs spread, first with her back to me, then facing me. My face was getting flushed and my breathing a little ragged as I took in the view and felt the sensation going on under the table.
Uncle Abe said, “Matter of fact, you ain’t supposed to make love with any of your blood kin,” but he kind of scratched on his stubble a mite and he said, “But come to think of it, there ain’t no rules say you can’t do it with your grandmother.” He must have seen the look on my face cause for a moment I was picturin’ Granma McCutcheon out there in the back yard, stirrin’ up her lye soap, and he considered on it a beat or two, and said, “You know, Wendell, it takes all kinds to make this world, but I reckon a man could go a awful long ride ‘fore he come across too many fellas that’s got any kinda hankerin’ to make love with their granma.”
From a woman’s perspective, here are 5 tips which can help you guys make your relationship a better experience for your girl and yourself as well. As the saying goes, “Sometimes love just ain’t enough,” hence, we bring you certain tips that might help you fill the void that has been growing with every passing day. Each promise that you break leads to disappointment, which shouldn’t have any room in a relationship. Paying attention to small details and remembering some of them would make her feel wanted and also show her that you are equally interested in even the tiniest details of her life. Many of you may think that dates are not really that important and that it shouldn’t make any difference in the kind of relationship that you share.
“Come on and be honest, you want to use and abuse my body for the next few hours until I have to beg you to stop?” I said knowing her, and her, demands once we got started. Having been so desperate for a shag and already making me cum in her mouth, Trudy was already well on her was well on her way towards her first orgasm as my tongue touched her pussy lips. The extra depth I was getting with her having her legs around my back felt good for me and appeared to be feeling awesome for her, as she started panting again leading to her next orgasm.
One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your s****r haven't, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements. One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house - your support, your sensitivities and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it. It means going the extra mile to show her that you're thinking about her.Treat the woman in your life with respect.
“Just because he likes to play dress up, doesn’t make him Santa Claus.” Willis offered Kris a drink while he sat the unsteady Claus down on a purple velour love seat. Missy pulled his felt ass off the velour, and with drink in hand, led him down small talk hallway to her room. Missy riled Kris and she liked that. As he rubbed by entering her room, Missy noticed his little helper also took exception. Missy didn’t know if she should laugh or slap the delusional dumb fuck and run. “Seriously, I’m up to my ass in snow, toys and those goddamned elves all fucking year long,” he said while pointing to the window. “When deer asses start looking good, I know it’s time.
In the mean time, I started kissing her but this time in her horizontal lips with my hands pressing her boobs every time she strokes my cock and every time she licks my tongue. She came near and asked me, "want me to do one more time"...I said "yes"...but we were running out of time..so she told "let us get dressed first and we will end the journey the same way we started it", I understood what she meant, she gave a blow job on the way here and now she wants to do the same while going again. I stopped my car in a lonely place, 2 minutes from her house, told her I am about to cum, she looked at me and then started her job again.
And so it came to the pass, that the Gingerbread Man used the candy cane that was wide, with a bulbous head and a straight, smooth shaft to make the dumpy little windmill wench so hot and horny that she couldn’t even speak. “Thank you so much,” said the Gingerbread Man. “Please keep my candy canes if you wish.” And he popped off the little red and white swirly peppermint nub from his groin, and handed it to her. The Gingerbread Man held up his last candy cane, the one that was shaped a little like an anchor, with a gently curved bow, finished off on either end with a gleaming gumdrop, with a handle in the centre, which was finished off with strings of liquorice laces.