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The storm in my mind

I stand outside

It’s cold and it’s raining

I’m protected by the little shelter

My feet are frozen to the ground

My heart is racing, the pounding in my chest louder than the rain pouring onto the concrete

I can’t even bring myself to knock on the door

Terrified of how you’ll look at me

That the love will be lost

That I can’t or won’t submit to you

That my happy place is gone forever

I message you and you come out

I stop breathing

You look at me, and it’s better than anything I could’ve imagined

I’d forgotten how it feels when you look at me

I thought it would be different this time

That we would’ve changed somehow

And maybe we have

But the way my knees go weak when you look at me hasn’t

The way you look me in the eyes and it’s like you pierce my soul hasn’t

You pull me inside and you hug me

A tight, all encompassing hug that makes me just want to disappear into you

I look you in the eyes, searching for answers to questions I’ve had for months

But all I can see is you

And I realise that’s all I’ve needed to see

For my mind to be quiet, my heart to be free, and my body to be at peace

We kiss, it’s tender and emotional, filled with pain, and love and regret and all things unspoken, it turns hungry, with an intensity that frightens me, I want to consume you, the way your hands are roaming my body and your tongue assualting my mouth tells me the feelings mutual

We said we wouldn’t do this

We would talk

Clear the air

Be comfortable

But our bodies are in control

Singing a song our minds cannot hear

Moving perfectly in sync with other

You spin me and remove my clothes

Leaving me standing in front of the fire in my lingerie

My breath catches in my throat as you run your hands up and down my body

I close my eyes and throw my head back as you kiss down my neck, wrapping a hand around it and squeezing gently.

I hear you remove your belt, I tense preparing for the impact. But the leather, warm from your body wraps around my neck with the cool metal buckle resting on my jugular. You pull it tight and a whimper escapes my lips. You turn me around and kiss me deeply, I rest my hands on your chest, asking with my eyes for permission to unbutton your shirt. You dip your head and kiss me again and I start undoing your shirt, running my fingertips over your chest and under your shirt, revelling in my hunger for you, your warmth burning through my fingertips and warming my body. You push me to my knees “suck my cock babygirl” and I do so, devouring you, tasting you from base to tip, I hear your moans and they fill my mind blocking out all other sounds, it’s only you, and me at your feet, where I belong. I look up at you, your cock in my mouth, and I’m at peace, the world doesn’t exist anymore, it’s just you and me, here and now...that bill I haven’t paid, gone, the fact I’ve been a terrible daughter and not called my mother in months, gone, the stress of driving past a house that holds demons from my past, gone...the yelling, the tears, the fights, gone...because when I look at you, when I look at you I’m home and so I let myself go, trusting in you again, knowing I’m exactly where I should be, and pleasing you brings me serenity, and when things have felt so wrong for so long, right here, in this moment they feel right.

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